TNA iMPACT! Results - June 16, 2011
TNA iMPACT Opener:
We kick the show off with clips from Slammiversary, and also postmatch comments from Bully Ray, Jeff Jarrett, Kurt Angle, Ken Anderson, and Sting. We then go into the Impact Zone where Ken Anderson has what looks like a combination of Dave & Busters and a strip club set up in the ring. Anderson welcomes us to the first ever Asshole Championship Reception, and none of the boys came even though he invited everyone. But that's okay because he didn't get into the business to make friends, he came here for one reason. Anderson hoists up the belt to signify what that reason is, and he doesn't need the boys, the fans, the fat guy sitting at home whose wife is about to leave them, because he only needs five people: his niece, his wife, and me, myself, and I (meaning Anderson, not me.)
Gunner's music hits and he comes out to join Anderson in the ring. Anderson says he didn't invite Gunner, but Gunner says he seems to remember someone asking for his help to take Sting out last week and make sure he didn't go into Slammiversary at 100%. Anderson doesn't quite remember the conversation, and Gunner says he did what Anderson asked him and he thinks that Anderson now owes him. Anderson says he remembers now, and thanks him and says his services are no longer needed, and wishes him their best in all his future endeavors. Gunner says he's out here for a World Title shot, and Anderson asks if the ink's even dry yet on his contract, and there are probably a few people in the back who are in line ahead of Gunner. Anderson stops to pour himself a beer and throws it in Gunner's face. Gunner has finally had enough and gives Anderson a spinebuster through the catering table and walks off with the champion laying in the middle of the ring.
Tonight: we begin the Bound For Glory series, which will play out between now and October when one man earns a shot at the TNA World Title.
Sting is backstage, and he's...WALKING!
Let's head to the ring for our first match...
Hernandez vs Devon
Sarita distracts the referee by trying to get into the ring, allowing Anarquia to grab Devon's foot from the floor so Hernandez can bowl him over with a shoulderblock. Devon returns the favor with a flying shoulderblock of his own followed by a flying clothesline for 2. Hernandez tries a charge in the corner, but Devon spears Hernandez out of his boots and hits a running splash in the corner. Devon gets ready to put him away, but the Pope wanders down to ringside and starts chatting it up with Devon's sons and daughter at ringside. Devon gets distracted and Hernandez rolls him up for 2, then all of Mexican America runs in and attacks Devon for the DQ.
Winner: Devon by DQ
Devon's family tells Pope to go help Devon, and he runs in and clears Mexican America out. Devon gets to his feet and starts yelling at Pope to stop messing with his family, and Pope gets a look on his face like “I can't believe I helped this guy.”
Ken Anderson goes into Eric Bischoff's office and tells him that he needs to pull the leash back on Gunner, and Bischoff says they had a chance to head this problem off before it started when he invited Anderson to join Immortal months ago, but Anderson had to be his own man. Now that Bischoff has this great relationship with the Network, he decides to do what would make the Network happy and make a match between Anderson and Gunner in tonight's main event so that Anderson can take care of business on his own since that's what he wanted all along. Anderson leans right into Bischoff's face and tells him “game on.”
Kurt Angle is backstage with his kids, and they're...WALKING!
After the commercial break, Kurt Angle comes to the ring with a big smile on his face and says that after eight long months, he's put the Jarrett feud to rest and he's now the number one contender to the World Title. But first, he wants to explain why he put his gold medals on the line, because back in 1996 he worked his ass off, gave his best, and won an Olympic gold medal for his country. Fast forward to Slammiversary, Angle offered his gold medal because he wanted the same feeling of being focused and being his best, and he made Jeff Jarrett tap out at Slammiversary. Now he's the #1 contender and winning the World Title would mean everything to him, but he's spent the last several months working out very hard because he's going to try out for the Olympic team again in 2012, and he may be going through a midlife crisis because he's 43 and nobody's ever done this before, but he wants to represent his country one more time.
Jeff Jarrett's music hits, and Jarrett comes stalking out of the back with an unhappy look on his face. Angle shakes his head as Jarrett gets in the ring and goes face to face with him, and Jarrett says it's not over until the founder says it's over. This whole relationship started with a handshake in a parking lot in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and it's going to end tonight in a parking lot in Orlando, Florida. There will be no Karen, no kids, no integrity, no cage matches, just the two of them one-on-one and one of them is going to be left laying flat on their back because TNA simply isn't big enough for the both of them. No matter what, Jarrett wants one last shot, and he wants to know if Angle's going to accept. Angle says Jarrett reminds him of an annoying gnat he keeps swatting away but keeps coming back, but for all the bad things Jeff Jarrett is, but the one thing he thought Jarrett had is honor for the business because it's in his blood, and he wants to know what his ancestors would think if they saw him standing in the ring after promising to end it at Slammiversary. He tells Jarrett to go home and deal with it, and Jarrett's word means nothing to him because two years ago, he looked Angle in the eye and said there was nothing going on between Karen and himself. If Jarrett gets a legal document written up in the next hour and a half that he will move to Mexico without Angle's kids, then they have a deal. Jarrett says to get the pen and paper because he's all in. Angle said he'll see Jarrett's (female reproductive organ) ass in the parking lot.
Okay, time to tell us all about the Bound For Glory Series: Basically, the top twelve wrestlers in TNA will compete in a three months long pseudo tournament where the result of every single match they're in, against other BFGS participants or otherwise, will contribute to their overall score. At the end of three months (the September PPV, presumably), the final four will face off with the winner going on to a title shot at Bound For Glory.
Eric Young is backstage and comes up to Matt Morgan and asks him if he's ready for his shot at the TV Title. Morgan says he's flattered, but asks if he just heard the announcement about the Bound For Glory Series. He's waited his whole life for this opportunity and tells Young to find someone else to defend the title against. Young says there isn't anybody else, because the TV Title can only be defended against TV stars, and Morgan is a TV star because he was on American Gladiators. Morgan says he can't help him, but there's a TV producer here who used to dabble in sitcoms way back in the day. Young says “Vince Russo was on Happy Days?” and Morgan says no, Young knows who he's talking about and he'd jump at the chance to make a match with him. Oh, it's always nonstop laughs when they start rolling with the inside remarks.
We go to Mike Tenay and Taz, who tell us that the next several weeks will see a 12 man tournament featuring former X Division stars, with the winner getting an Impact Wrestling contract at Destination X.
Destination X Tournament First Round: Austin Aries vs Kid Kash vs Jimmy Rave
Aries gets a very loud reaction from the crowd, and he tries taunting both opponents into a test of strength until Kash and Rave get tired of the games and dump Aries to the floor. Kash and Rave exchange armdrags until Aries drags Kash to the floor and boxes his ears, drops Rave on the top rope, and hits a slingshot senton on Rave for 2. Kid Kash drags Aries to the floor and rams him into the ring apron and then tries a springboard something into the ring but Rave spears him out of midair for 2. Rave goes for Ghanarhea but Aries blocks and hits the shinbreaker/suplex combo and pendulum elbow for 2. Aries sets up for the brainbuster, Kash tries to take a run at Aries, but Aries backdrops Kash to the floor, dumps Rave out as well, and hits the Heat Seeking Missile to the floor to wipe both men out. Crowd is BIG into Aries, but Rave kills Aries with an STO to the ring apron, and then Kash hits a twisting senton off the top to the floor, wiping out both opponents. Kash sends Aries back into the ring and they trade forearms in the middle of the ring, Kash hits a release vertical suplex for 2, then Rave comes in and goes after Kash and they fight over a waistlock until Rave hits Ghanarhea. Rave goes for the cover but Aries kicks him in the head, then hits the IED and brainbuster for 3.
Winner: Austin Aries
Aries now advances in the tournament and is one step closer to an Impact Wrestling contract. The crowd was really into him.
Velvet Sky and Miss Tessmacher are backstage talking about winning the Knockouts Tag Team Title and grabbing each other's asses.
We're back in the ring and ready for our next match...
Knockouts Tag Team Title Match: Sarita & Rosita vs Velvet Sky & Miss Tessmacher
Referee Earl Hebner kicked Hernandez and Anarquia out of ringside before the match to make sure they didn't get involved. Sarita backs Velvet to the corner and mockingly dances at her, but Velvet came back with a big boot and a wheelbarrow bulldog. Rosita tags in and Velvet tags out to Tessmacher, who unloads on Rosita with some hard forearms. Rosita tries a handspring back elbow, but Tessmacher blocks and hits a suplex on Rosita, then tags back out to Velvet. Rosita goes to the eyes and tags out to Sarita, and Sarita gets ping-ponged back and forth between Velvet and Tessmacher with right hands, then they repeatedly ram her into the corner and Tessmacher covers for 2. Sarita pops Tessmacher up in the air, but Tessmacher hits a nice armdrag on the way down, so Sarita just rips her head off with a clothesline. Tessmacher tags to Velvet and she kills Rosita with a clothesline, Rosita tags Sarita in but Velvet takes her out with a side neckbreaker. Tessmacher comes in and hits a flapjack on Sarita, then Rosita tags in and gets laid out as well. Velvet dumps Sarita to the floor and then Velvet and Tessmacher set up for a double suplex on Rosita, but ODB pops up in the crowd and distracts Velvet while Sarita & Rosita hit a double team on Tessmacher and get the win.
Winners: Rosita & Sarita
Miss Tessmacher is visibly angry at Velvet for costing them the match and walks out on her, leaving her all by herself when ODB and Miss Jackie run in and beat Velvet down 2-on-1. Security tries running in but ODB and Jackie viciously destroy all of them while continuing to attack Velvet. Velvet tries to roll out of the ring and get to the back, but ODB and Jackie come after her again and try to rip her clothes off. Velvet tries to get back to her feet and go back at them, but gets dragged to the back by security.
Jeff Jarrett is in Hulk Hogan's office signing the contract for the Hogan is laughing over how awesome Jarrett is when Sting comes in, and Hogan quickly gets serious and says he's going to honor Sting's contract and he'll get his rematch on March 14th. Sting is surprised to see that Hogan really seems to mean it, and asks if the real Hulk Hogan is back. Hogan says he doesn't get it because he's trying to make this work his way, and Sting says he remembers when Hogan came to WCW and wanted to have a positive influence and had respect for the groundwork Sting had laid before he got there, and Sting said he loved Hogan and wanted to follow in his footsteps. Sting asks Hogan if he said all that stuff about training, prayers, and vitamins just for the money, and asks if this is the legacy Hogan wants to leave behind, both for himself, the fans, and Brooke & Nick. Hogan finally loses his cool and asks Sting who he thinks he is, and Sting says he's the Stinger and he is not done, because he'll leave when he wants to leave. He shoves Hogan into his chair and asks if Hogan wants to put on a facade for everyone, then says he'll put the facade on for Hogan, and he takes facepaint and smears it all over Hogan's face while Hogan is apparently unable to resist. Sting says that Hogan has only himself to blame this time because “Terry” has a choice. This was fine until Sting and Hogan started the ridiculous overacting. They really never fail to ruin anything that starts out good.
ODB and Miss Jackie are backstage saying that wrestling matters to them and screw Velvet Sky's (body part). Velvet runs in and goes after them, but gets beaten down and choked out again while ODB and Jackie continue to yell unbecoming things at her.
The Mystery Cameraman asks Austin Aries about being back, and Aries says it's the perfect time for him to come back since wrestling matters now. Eric Young busts in on the promo and challenges the Mystery Cameraman, making a rare on-camera appearance, to a match. The Cameraman has no idea what's going on, so Young superkicks him and goes for a cover and makes Aries count three for him. Young says it's one of the best matches he's ever had, then lays out threats to Jason Hervey and Scott Baio.
Time to kick off the Bound For Glory Series!
Bound For Glory Series: Samoa Joe vs Rob Van Dam
Joe and RVD come face to face in the middle of the ring and trade forearms and then Joe runs RVD over with a couple of shuolderblocks. RVD tries for a springboard out of the corner but Joe catches him in a waistlock and rolls him forward into a pinning combination for 2. RVD rolls out to the floor to collect himself, then gets up on the apron and tries a slingshot move into the ring, but Joe catches him and hits a belly to belly suplex for 2. Joe unloads with right hands in the corner, RVD fires back but Joe whips RVD hard into the corner. RVD dropkicks Joe's knees out from under him and hits a spinning dropkick in the corner, he tries for the monkey flip but Joe blocks and drops RVD's throat across the top rope. RVD tumbles to the outside and Joe hits a running dive through the ropes to wipe RVD out on the floor. Joe rolls RVD back in and covers for a two count, then they exchange punches in the corner. Joe reverses a whip and bull rushes RVD into the corner and drills him with a leaping enziguiri for 2. RVD gets the boot up on a charge and tries a springboard moonsault, but Joe just casually walks out of RVD's way and RVD hits the mat. Joe with a chop/kick/kneedrop combo for 2 and then runs through RVD with a back elbow for 2. Joe gets a rear crossface but RVD hits a jawbreaker and superkicks Joe in the face to lay him out flat. RVD hits Rolling Thunder for 2 and then hits the stepover leg lariat. Joe slumps into the corner and RVD charges in, but Joe plants him with the STJoe, then puts RVD up top for the Muscle Buster. RVD fights his way out so Joe goes up top and RVD knocks him backward into the ring so RVD can hit the Five Star for the win.
Winner: Rob Van Dam
Great match and Joe really should have won. Rob Van Dam becomes the first person to score points in the Series.
Gunner is backstage getting stitches for some reason and says that he tried to be nice, but Anderson took advantage of his pleasant nature and now he's going to take care of Anderson because he really doesn't care about anyone at all.
Jeff Jarrett is backstage taping up his fists, and then we're off to the ring for our main event!
Impact Wrestling World Champion Ken Anderson vs Gunner
Gunner overpowers Anderson right from the start and beats him down with hard forearms before firing him into the far corner. Anderson collapses to the mat and Gunner covers for 1, then Anderson bails out to the floor to take a break. Gunner goes after him and chases him back into the ring where Anderson counters a clothesline into a spinning neckbreaker for 2. Anderson rams Gunner backward into the corner a couple of times and then peppers him with right hands. Anderson goes up top for a Swanton, but Gunner moves and Anderson crashes to the mat. Gunner with a running back elbow for 2, a short clothesline for 2, and then takes him to the corner for some kneelifts. Gunner with a back suplex for 2, but Anderson gets Gunner up and hits the Finlay Roll for 2. Anderson mounts Gunner and pounds right hands into his head, then picks up Gunner's legs and stomps on his lower abdomen.
Suddenly, Anderson reaches up for his microphone and says that whether we like it or not, still the TNA World Champion: Mr Anderson...(gets right in Gunner's face) Anderson. Suddenly, Gunner grabs him out of nowhere and hits the F5 for the upset win.
Winner: Gunner
Gunner smiles broadly as he has his hand raised, and Eric Bischoff comes out of the back applauding and raises Gunner's hand as he has now beaten the World Champion for the second week in a row.
Kurt Angle is backstage, and he's...WALKING! He fights Jeff Jarrett next!
Scott Steiner will face Bully Ray next week in the Bound For Glory Series, and Steiner cuts an awesome promo talking about how We head out to the parking lot where Kurt Angle and Jeff Jarrett will fight it out for the final time. Jarrett tosses the signed contract at Angle, and Jarrett circles Angle and feints punches at him. Jarrett tries to shoot a double leg, but Angle sprawls out and mounts Jarrett, drilling him with punches and trying for a choke. Jarrett rolls to his belly and Angle fires crossfaces across his nose and then just pummels him with punches before getting a cross armbreaker. Jarrett slips out and punches as Angle, but Angle scissors Jarrett's body and reverses on top of Jarrett. Angle throws in a leg ride and tries a choke, but Jarrett bites his arm and they go back to neutral. Jarrett tries a side headlock, but that's the worst thing you can possibly do to a real wrestler, which Angle demonstrates by picking him up and dumping him hard onto the pavement. Jarrett rams Angle into the hood of a car and the front of a truck, then yells at Angle that he's never going to leave TNA and tells Angle to go train for the Olympics or whatever he wants to do, and to just get out of his life. Jarrett rams Angle face first into the pavement and Angle is motionless. Jarrett goes to walk away, but Angle gets back to his feet and tells Jarrett that it's not over yet. Jarrett charges him again and Angle picks a double leg and dumps Jarrett HARD onto the pavement, pummels him with more punches, and hits an Angle Slam onto the hood of a truck. Angle tears his shirt off and chokes Jarrett with it. Jarrett is out and Angle leaves him in a heap on the pavement and walks off, and the last thing we see is the camera zooming on Jarrett, who rolls over and just says “adios.”
